Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
