I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
