are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
