Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
