Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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