At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize