Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Randomize
