i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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