my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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