i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
