How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
this is an emotional support booty call
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
