there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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