Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
