Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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