When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
