This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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