is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
