i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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