On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize