Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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