problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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