Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
only you would photoshop your dick
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
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