Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
