The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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