So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
