Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
