i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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