i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
