i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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