i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
