I am puke
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
