and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
