I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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