I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
