Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
