hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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