Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
