It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
