Please, let me fuck your mom
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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