I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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