i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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