Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
