doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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