do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
