sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
