Rock
Scissors
Fuck
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
