So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
