Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Come on in and take your pants off
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