what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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