u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
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