I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
