just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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