The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
