uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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