remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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