That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Randomize
