yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
