So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
