someone owes me an orgasm
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I have post one night stand depression
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
