I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
