i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
