Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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