i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
