We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
foreskin is a definite game changer
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
